I tend to keep everything to myself. It’s way i’ ve been brought up with, so only me and the diary. That is all. Was, Am and will be.

這幾天情緒很莫名,pms,yes,一直處於低溫的身體,發着低燒。I cant help but wondering, maybe it’s just gonna be me, all the way? And I cant help but feeling negative this way.

And whatelse is new, I am jsut this really difficult person.

Thanks to the internet, everyone seems just one click away, or maybe several clicks away. But sometimes we are so easily to be ‘busy’ and ‘forget’ to  contact someone for a long time; or we ‘accecidently’ block someone on MSN, FB, kaixin, delete their number, pretend never know them…but is it really out of sight, out of mind? No really, well, at least to me. Someone’s name or face will just keep running in my mind over and over and over again, the ones I love and those I hate. I cant help it. Even thou I know the rules of that ‘never into you’, I still cant help thinking all the possibilities we might have. We girls just love lying to ourselves, dont we?

As for those I feel sick thinking of, it is again a too small city to share with, I mean rite now in the city of Sydney, let me be specific, there’s only one bitch I dont wanna see her face anyway around me and regret of knowing her…errr, the friends you hang out with tell people who you are… so, shame on me…

And I dont mind bumping into my ex on da street, as a matter of fact, twice already, and we all acting very good, neglecting each other. I dont mind at all, coz it was way way way over and I’m glad I barely think of him anymore,let alone have any feeling when I see him. So, how we gonna explain all this? Love does fade away? Or it’s just habbit dies?

I rmb someone said once that he doesnt give a shit anymore. I truely believe he still gave a shit and maybe he still is. That’s the thing I’ve been going in my mind over and over again and no way to get an answer, coz really, the answer is with him. Char says there’re only gonna be two great loves one can have, H quoted that in da phone to me after we broke up. So what if he’s already had those two, then there’s really no point for me to do anything. I wanna end up with someone who does love me, well, I guess that just make sense.

It’s start burning, mmm, but i’m icy cold, literately. I’m wondering why is that always like this, the imbalance?

The zsa zsa zsu feeling, yet again, it’s not only you like someone so much, but the urge that you feel that you gonna have them. But why we always want someone who doesnt want you back the way you want them to want you? All I can think of is, what goes around, comes around.


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