重新认识自己

Sometimes, it’s interesting to see myself from someone else’s eyes, to see how awkwardly ‘unclassy’/路人 I am so I know what & how to improve; or to see how irresistibly attractively cute/beautiful I am so you know… nice to be recognized/appreciated for my effortless effort~

Life is a battle of balancing the both sides of me, so I know exactly when to be proud and when to be humble~ live and learn and be grateful~

Qian always says that I am the most lady-like girl she has ever known in her entire life~~她用到的词包括,很女人,很sassy。。。I looked up in Urban Dictionary and ‘sassy’ is described as ‘possessing the attitude of someone endowed with an ungodly amount of cool’ or ‘Someone who is full of themselves but in a good way. They’re cheeky, lively, smart, saucy, slightly impudent, mouthy, cocky, energetic, loud and extremely talkative. Fun, daring, sexy, multifaceted, someone you have to have!’ or ‘Spirited, stylish or chic’ OR ‘ a playful, flirty,saucy woman, particularly in reference to her verbal remarks. Occasionally, women will be sassy in order to get a spanking for causing trouble. The best way to tell is if her eyes are bright with mischief’…

GOD I LOVE how they define this word~~AND I AM SO FLATTERED~~

很多时候,别人眼中的我是我努力或不经意间给人造成的感觉~有时候是真正自信的,可是又有好些时候是自我怀疑和不满的。 可是,至少我用力把自己怀疑的那一面藏起来,呈现给人我想要呈现的样子。因为,就算我把那些无奈,阴暗和不安释放出来,我也不会得到解脱重新做人,也无法自我成长,更不可能得到别人和自己对自己的尊敬。所以,我宁愿选择fake it till u make it 的态度,让别人和自己看到我不管吵闹或安静,始终自尊自信美好谦逊的那一面。有时候会很辛苦,很想自暴自弃,可是我至少会确保这些负面的情绪是发生在没有人认识我的空间里。

学习需要付出努力。下午的consultation终于比之前的毫无准备临阵磨枪得到更多的认可。我心中的石头放下了一半,也更有信心。所以,又屁颠屁颠地跑来更博。 有太长的时间I’m taking myself too seriously 但却得过且过地放纵自己,我承认我浪费了好多生命。其实爱,也是需要学习的。也许现阶段的我还是会患得患失地没有安全感地觉得自己不够好,可是至少从他的眼中,我看到的是love and admiration,我那些想要成为更好的人的细胞被慢慢激活, I can choose to be more.

其实很多时候,我是非常清楚自己拥有什么能力的。在面对爱的时候,即使我不那么勇敢,或者说太过理智。可是,我对感情的原则不正是无数作家,心理学者,‘过来人’试着要警戒广大女人们的对于爱的条条款款么?不管怎样,不管我感情经历多么少,但我至少可以自信地宣称,我只会和真心爱我,尊重我和崇拜我的男人交往,因为这是每个女人最应该被爱的方式。

每个女人,如果你懂得自尊自爱,都一定会遇到这样的男人。

当你遇到的时候,请确定和相信你自己的感觉。然后放手去爱。这一次,我试着练习去爱一个男人和他的灵魂,而不要太介意世人对于外在的评论。

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